Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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