is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
