Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
