I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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