ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
