Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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