so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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