Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize