I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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