wanna go halves on a baby?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
