Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
