We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
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when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
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