I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
