at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
