So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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