you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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