Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
this will be a night to untag.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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