Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
