The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We have started to decorate penises.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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