The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
