My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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