how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
