I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize