he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
