she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
