the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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