Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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