PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
