even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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