so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
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Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize