I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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