the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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