Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i will never coherently bang her
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
