Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just cropdusted the office
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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