There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I supernannyed him into submission
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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