They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
