we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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