Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood