Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.

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(816): He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine. http://tfl.nu/bj2r

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(509): View more from Washington

I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?

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(509): I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have? http://tfl.nu/03l6

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(703): View more from Virginia

just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.

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(703): just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress. http://tfl.nu/rj37

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.

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(+44): I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download. http://tfl.nu/w3hx

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck

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(610): all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck http://tfl.nu/mnqh

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.

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(250): I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out. http://tfl.nu/u7xj

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(859): View more from Kentucky

You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.

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(859): You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower. http://tfl.nu/ss7c

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(201): View more from New Jersey

So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...

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(201): So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone... http://tfl.nu/fbxy

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(616): View more from Michigan

She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.

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(616): She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs. http://tfl.nu/e8xn

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(319): View more from Iowa

After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.

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(319): After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it. http://tfl.nu/4aze

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(360): View more from Washington

There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.

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(360): There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it. http://tfl.nu/jy69

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(330): View more from Ohio

OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.

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(330): OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM. http://tfl.nu/cuq6

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(1616): View more from

I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .

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(1616): I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit . http://tfl.nu/6sx7

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(708): View more from Illinois

Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.

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(708): Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway. http://tfl.nu/5xxq

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(+61): View more from Australia

He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.

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(+61): He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it. http://tfl.nu/xk8c

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