it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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