I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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