i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
