I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
