My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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