Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
