Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
