So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
