hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
