He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
