I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
