We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
