A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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