i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
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I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
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IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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