You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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