you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
