Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
