walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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