I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
