I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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