About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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