All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
