You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
