question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
