We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
